Comic goes here.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Before you think to ask, no, there's no uncensored version in existence. So don't ask to see it.

Dear Rolling Stone Magazine:

You suck.

Although I somewhat enjoyed your magazine in the past, your act has grown very thin and I will tolerate it no further. I've compiled a small handful of reasons as to why I will not be resubscribing:

1. 50% of your magazine consists of full-page ads. Female-objectifying ads, no less. I got tired of those really quick.
2. To say that My Chemical Romance owes their image to Evanescence is both laughable and an insult to both bands. (wish I had the issue number where they did that).
3. Speaking of My Chemical Romance, stop calling them "emo". I'm not quite sure what they are, but that's certainly not it.
4. No one gives a shit about Modest Mouse. Stop interviewing them.
5. No one in their right mind will care about political articles in a music-based magazine.
6. Both NIN and Marilyn Manson will have new albums out in a few months, and yet it's R.E.M. who get an interview?
7. Making fun of Bush is an old, tired joke. Move on.
8. The Rolling Stones suck.
9. I like John Mayer, but a "Guitar God" he is NOT.
10. No one worth knowing really listens to music critics anyways.
11. There's more to the music industry than rock and rap. Where's techno? Symphonic rock? Prog rock? Industrial? Maybe if your staff would stop sucking each other off long enough to look around for a few minutes, you'd realize that there is music outside of the stale world of Neil Young, The Who, and Van Halen.

In conclusion, I hope to someday become a famous and successful musician just so I can publicly disown your shitty publication.